If you don’t subscribe to the ‘Zip Code Rule’ (i.e it’s not cheating if it’s in a different zip code), then this article is definitely for you.
Even under the best of circumstances, maintaining a long-distance relationship is hard. Forget the jealousy, the fights that bleed into multiple phone calls, the terrible feelings of isolation and loneliness… those, I can’t fix (but here are some tips that might help). What I can offer is some sage advice to help you get over the raging whirlwind of sexual energy aching to be released when you and your significant other have an entire continent between you and neither of you want to cheat.
Open Things Up… a bit
Honesty is the best policy, period. If you can’t see yourself staying monogamous with a partner halfway around the world, fair enough. Many can’t.
There are a couple options: you can end things and try to reconnect later, when you’re back in the same zip code. Or, you can open up your relationship and give each other permission to have sex with other people. Obviously, going this route means that you need to establish terms to dictate what’s acceptable and what’s not. Kind of like when setting rules for a threesome and you have to respect each others’ boundaries with those third party ‘guests’ now involved in your relationship.
A friend of mine opened up to her boyfriend when he had to relocate for work in Berlin for a year and she couldn’t join him. Conveniently, he had the same concerns she did, so they were able to work something out.
Though things were open ended, they discussed everything with one another and made sure it was okay, and they were insistent that the sex be with strangers and that it only ever happen once. On top of that, they constantly addressed issues of jealousy they were feeling. When they did get to visit with one another, apparently the sex was amazing, like a sexual tsunami. If you’ve got permission to cheat, and it’s mutual, then it’s not actually cheating.
Phone Sex/Dirty Talk, Sexts, and Video Chat
Thankfully, it’s not the nineteenth century, and we don’t use carrier pigeons to get messages around. While phone sex and sexting aren’t as fulfilling as your standard physical fare, it can be insanely erotic—and sometimes that’s all you need in between visits. The best thing to do is reroute all that sexual frustration and energy into a productive outlet.
Tell your partner what you’re into; your dirtiest, raunchiest fantasies. Get her to do the same. Surprise her with a sext, or an alluring image. Talk each other off. The fluttering sound of an orgasming partner’s voice on the other end of the phone is hot, and the anticipation of your next rendez-vous will make it far sweeter.
By the time you’re reunited and your days of sexless agitation are over, you’ll be a porn film pro, believe me. Since most of the visual stimulation you’ll be getting from your partner will come through a cam, you’ll be putting on live shows of yourself stroking off for your partner’s enjoyment, and she’ll be looking to get you off, too.
There’s nothing quite like being a stranger in a strange land only to arrive home after a hard day of work and find that your lover has sent you a video of her riding a dildo like an absolute fiend, moaning your name, while she’s overtaken with pleasure. Absence doesn’t just make the heart grow fonder…
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, then you know that sex can sometimes get… scarce. Now, if you’re long distance, believe or not, distance can be a heady aphrodisiac. If you’ve been seeing someone for five years, you might get nasty a handful of times on a trip to warmer climes. If you’ve been in a five year relationship and your relationship is long distance, it doesn’t matter where you vacation. You won’t even be leaving your hotel room, and I promise you, the sex will be intense.
Become an Adept Soloist
Sometimes happiness comes from learning how to love yourself. With your lover miles away, and sex but a distant dream, turn to old faithful… your hand. Masturbation helped you through many dry spells, and this is just another. If you want to get a bit fancier, look at investing in sex toys, lubricant, or an extensive collection of pornography. Either way—remember, you won’t be apart forever.
Whether you use one of these techniques, or a combination of all of them, there are ways to endure the sexual frustration of a long-distance relationship without cheating. Plus, you’re not alone. Plenty of people love across great distances and plenty of them do it better than couples sharing a bedroom. Think on that!
If you’ve got any other suggestions or tricks, let us know. We’d like to hear them!