Tantric sex used to be the provenance of trendy Hollywood celebrities (i.e Sting) and esoteric sex gurus, but now, I’m bringing the arcane art of prolonged banging to you – the people.
If “normal” sex (i.e fifteen minutes of coital bliss) is the hundred meter sprint, then tantric sex is a full on marathon. For westerners and most other cultures, to be honest, sex is a recreational delight that encapsulates a desperate drive to procreate. When we screw, it’s always all about crossing that finish line. In fact, our preoccupation with the big ‘O’(orgasm) has saddled us with plenty of… anxiety, thus the “one stroke bloke,” (a guy who finishes before the race ever starts).
So, you ask, what is tantric sex, and how can it make me a sex god?
Good question. Around 5000 years ago, an adept lover (who cannot be historically confirmed, so we will avoid that debate and resolve to say that a truly great ‘being’ coined and developed Tantra, inspired by the divine couples of Hinduism – most notably, Shiva and Shakti). Tantra has always been a spiritual practice at heart, utilizing the body as a vehicle to achieve spiritual enlightenment.
What makes Tantra so unique is that its goal isn’t to reach orgasm; it’s spiritual enlightenment.
Which—so practitioners of the art claim—can be attained through the perfect union of the male energy of Shiva with the female energy of Shakti. To put it another way: Tantra is about banging your way to enlightenment by protracting the act of sexual pleasure for as long as possible until the big bang, so to speak, which is itself a kind of physiological equivalent of enlightenment or epiphany, if you will.
How then does one have tantric sex?
One might think to immediately run to their nearest book store and buy an erotic novel or jump right into the Kama Sutra to get started. But actually, the primary focus is not on the intricate positions taught in the Kama Sutra, but beginning with a (not-so-simple) change of mindset. The first big mental shift you have to make is reframing the act of sex. Don’t make sex goal-oriented; stop focusing on that big ‘O’. Become totally engrossed in the physical sensations, the mental stimulation that comes from arousal, the very deep, very intimate connection you have—not just physically—but emotionally and mentally, with your lover.
Throw some music on, become totally embodied. Feel what it is to be in possession of a body, the sensation in each of your limbs, your head, your butt, everything. Shake everything, let your presence animate the very smallest fiber of your being. Breathing is extremely important, so make sure that each breath you take is deep and natural. This alone, what experts call ‘mindfulness’, can help to contribute to a full body orgasm.
Practice makes perfect: beginner position
Next, a great position for Tantra beginners: have her sit in your lap and rock gently, back and forth. Make sure you’re face-to-face, and that the timing of the rocking is synced with your breathing. At first, close your eyes and let yourself get swallowed up in each careful sensation running through your body. Have the discipline to not let things run away from you. Be active in controlling your pleasure and not rushing to orgasm. This might take some practice. Once you feel yourself in a kind of trance, look at your lover (“soul gazing”, as it’s called). Feel yourself approaching singularity with your lover. Your movements will become one, your breathing, and when you become good at it, so will your orgasms.
What’s the point of tantric sex?
The whole point of tantric sex is to feel good—ecstatic, even. If you find yourself approaching an altered state, then you’re doing the right thing. If Tantra is for you, and it should be because it’s awesome, happy banging!