If there’s one thing (almost) everyone having sex loves, it’s getting head. But there are more than a few women — and men — out there who aren’t quite as fond of going down as their partners would like. And one of the biggest complaints from those Debbie Won’t-Go-Downers is the taste. It turns out not everyone loves the flavor of p*ssy or dick au naturel. But all you have to do to lure your lover between your legs is up your taste. And that’s a lot easier than it sounds.
The first step is to start with good overall hygiene. Smell is a huge component of taste, and doing a little lowdown landscaping is the easiest way to get that in check. First, obviously, keep it clean. Give yourself a little extra love in the shower — with some unscented soap and warm water — to keep things fresh, and keep your hair trimmed so there’s less there to trap sweat and scent.
Once you’re fresh and squeaky clean, you can work on changing your taste more directly. Your c*m gets most of its taste from what you eat, so a few simple changes in diet will help take your flavor from “local greasy spoon” to “Michelin-starred restaurant.”
First off, your c*m is mostly water, so staying hydrated will tone down your natural flavor and keep the texture smooth and less stringy and ropey. Basically, it’ll help your c*m — and your partner — go down much easier.
What you should avoid eating
Next, you want to work on what you eat. Everyone knows that you shouldn’t over indulge on garlic or onions on a date if you expect any kind of goodnight kiss, and similar rules apply if you want your partner’s lips to end up further South. Obviously, asparagus is a no-go, and dairy has also been known to make things taste a little funky. Basically, anything you wouldn’t want to eat before a long makeout session should be avoided if you want a blowjob. So what should you eat?
What you should eat
Fruit is the most famous food for making c*m taste better, and there’s not a porn star in the business who doesn’t know the old pineapple trick. If you eat some pineapple or drink pineapple juice, it’ll sweeten your ejaculate. But it doesn’t stop at pineapple. Any citrus — orange, grapefruit, lemon — will change your taste, as will fruits like kiwi, watermelon, and raspberries.
Another taste-maker is cranberry juice. Known mostly for treating urinary tract infections, cranberry juice can also improve your taste and scent, so you should keep a bottle in the fridge at all times. But not that overly sweetened stuff you find in the grocery store. Make sure it’s more pure; you may have to splurge a bit, or go to an organic grocer, but the guarantee of good head is definitely worth a few extra bucks.
While you can get away with eating and drinking your pineapple juice or other chosen come-sweetener on the big day, you’d do better to add these things to your daily diet. You don’t have to go overboard, but fruit is good for you, so you can’t go wrong. And as a bonus (a damn big bonus), you’ll always be primed for oral whenever the mood strikes. And if you always taste good, you’re much more likely to be able to get your partner to go down whenever you’re up for it.
Now, if you have a wild night full of asparagus and booze and cheese — it happens — and your partner seems less willing to drop to her knees for you, there are some quick fixes.
Masque strips are designed to be used within minutes of giving head; like breath-freshening Listerine strips, they dissolve on your tongue and give you a fresh new taste. Unlike breath mint strips, they come in less stinging, more delicious flavors like strawberry, watermelon, mango, and chocolate.
However, if your partner isn’t into that, you can also go with a flavored lube to make your dick a more appealing dessert. Every major condom brand now makes their own flavored lube, so you can pick one up in a pinch at the neighborhood drugstore, or, if you want something a little more exotic, there are dozens of tasty flavored lubes you can find online or at your favorite sex shop. You can even find BACON flavored lube. A few drops of lube are all it takes to give you the taste you need — and the extra lubrication doesn’t hurt, either.
While there’s no scientific evidence to support this advice (scientists don’t seem to think c*m flavor warrants an in-depth study — yet), there is a ton of anecdotal evidence out there. And after more than a decade in porn, I’ve heard — and tried — it all. So trust me when I tell you that following these tips will get you more of what you want.
Do you have any secret remedies to make your partner taste better? Let us know!