By now, pretty much everyone has seen Judd Apatow’s film The 40-Year-Old Virgin. As hilarious as it is on screen, there are plenty of people in their late twenties and beyond who still haven’t lost their proverbial ‘v-cards’. According to a study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, The Atlantic reported that approximately 5% of heterosexual Americans lose their virginity after their 20’s.
The reasons are obviously many: some people just haven’t found the right person, others lack the confidence, and some are just too shy to get the deed done. Whatever the reason, you might know someone who’s still a virgin but doesn’t want to be anymore. So here are some ways of getting them out of their comfort zones and into someone else’s bed.
Accept your virginity
It’s pretty tough to see it this way, but virginity isn’t a disease. At the tender age of fourteen I remember the desperation with which I tried to lose my own v-card, like it was the bubonic plague or something. Ultimately, desperation never looks good. It doesn’t matter if you’re a dead ringer for Michael Fassbender. If your buddy is trying to lose his virginity, just make sure he doesn’t try too hard. It’s always good to relax and take it easy. And you should make damn sure he doesn’t try using too many cheesy pickup lines… Sometimes this casualness can even be mistaken for confidence, which brings me to my next point.
Confidence is always key
It’s pretty safe to say that a lot of 40-year-old virgins will lack confidence when it comes to their sexual prowess since they’ve never actually had sex before, but there are other things to feel confident about: looks, clothes, a good job, hobbies. Radiating confidence is a great way to attract someone and keep them interested.
If your friend ‘the virgin’ has begun to get intimate and is starting to get anxious about it, remind him that sex isn’t a big deal and it’s certainly nothing to be intimidated by. Humans have been doing it since day one, and we’ve done it every day since – sometimes well, sometimes poorly. It won’t help him to, as the adage says: “put the p*ssy on a pedestal.” Having sex comes second nature to us, don’t let your friend overthink it.
Experience is important, but it’s not everything.
People, especially as they get older, know exactly what they want in bed and have certain expectations when it comes to their sexual partners. From my experience, women in particular seem to experiment with sex toys often and know what they’re looking for as time goes on. Obviously it can be surprising to learn that the thirty-six year old stunner you picked up doesn’t know her way around your ‘junk’. Most importantly, don’t be afraid if you don’t know how to put on a condom (thank goodness for YouTube videos today). You aren’t alone, we were all there.
If your friend lacks experience, it would be foolish to pretend they’re the second coming of Don Juan. A virgin who’s losing it sticks out like a sore thumb, so it’s always best to be honest about it. This also has the potential to set up a kinky teacher/student dynamic, which would likely be highly… “educational”. 😉
Most important of all, remind the 40-year-old virgin in your life that they’re more than their virginity. At the end of the day, there are countless people out there, so there’s bound to be one that would be a good fit for your buddy. Just encourage them to keep looking and to let things flow organically.