This Lady Fell In Love With Her Bike, Literally

After all, who can truly explain how love works?
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Photo – wintersixfour | Morguefile

Imagine, if you will, waking up one morning and finding yourself sexually attracted to an inanimate object. Now take it a step further: imagine falling in love, marrying, and having a honeymoon with an inanimate object. The prospect of such an endeavor might seem strange, even unlikely, but it’s real, and far more common than you’d expect. The condition, objectum sexuality or objectophilia, describes individuals who are often emotionally, sexually, and romantically involved with inanimate objects.

Object sexuality or objectophilia is a form of sexuality focused on particular inanimate objects.

Wikipedia

By a rare stroke of luck, I happened to meet an objectophile and she was willing to share her story with me. Carla is an active member of a notable forum that caters to people with fetishes and philias, though it’s worth noting that objectum sexuality is not a fetish since it isn’t purely sexual. I met her there and after months of correspondence she opened up to me. The text below is all hers, just as she messaged it to me.


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Photo – Melodi2 | Morguefile

Me: Hi *******, pleased to meet you. Would you mind introducing yourself and explaining how you found yourself attracted to your bicycle?

Carla: I’m happy to elaborate, though I’d appreciate it if you withheld my username. Obviously I’d prefer my online persona to stay anonymous. Objectophiles get a bad rap. The media portrays us like we’re freaks, weird curiosities to be carted out and laughed at (I’m thinking about the woman who married the Eiffel tower… Mrs. La Tour Eiffel). I don’t think we are, but then I might be biased. Aside from loving my bike, I’m pretty normal (seriously, I promise). I have a boyfriend I’ve been dating for almost four years, a pretty diverse group of friends, and I’m finishing up a doctorate in electrical and computer engineering. My bike, I call him Henry, by the way, makes me feel like no one else can… I feel comfortable, safe, and secure around him.

I call him a “he” because I feel that that’s what my bike is.

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Photo – octaviolopez | Morguefile

My boyfriend knows about Henry, but he doesn’t really understand it all. I don’t think he takes it too seriously, so he’s not threatened by any of it. To him, I think he believes our relationship is like the kind that you develop with an object you’ve had for a long time. Something that’s served you well. This isn’t the case, though.

I’ve had this bike for seven or so years, since undergrad, and I found myself being magnetized by it. I can’t really explain the feeling (seriously, who can explain love in adequate terms?). All I can reasonably say is that there was an attraction that was bound up with how safe and at peace I felt around my bike.

I guess, in simpler terms, I associated good, nurturing feelings with Henry, but more than that, I feel like Henry, in turn, benefits from my affections. These are feelings and as you know, feelings are difficult to unpack, especially when the topic is so… nontraditional.

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Photo – pedrojperez | Morguefile

We spend plenty of time together, cruising through the city. People often first ask about whether or not we have a sex life… In short, we do. Obviously the sex is, for lack of a better word, different (you can use your imagination), but it’s fulfilling. In fact, I’ve never been able to achieve orgasm with a man, only with my bike (my boyfriend doesn’t know any of this). Part of it, probably, has to do with how comfortable I feel around Henry. It also helps that we have a special connection. I’ve always been this way, drawn to objects, as if objects were animated with some special, vibrant energy. I don’t see how people question this.

Seriously, humans have proven that they can fall in love with almost anything, so why not a bike, right?

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Photo – SplitShire

Ask anyone to explain why they love who they love, and you’ll almost always find their answers wanting. The truth is, love is not rational. It can’t be explained. As strange as it might seem, objectum sexuality does exist, and Carla is proof of that.

Written by Hugh Jasse

An eloquent soul, a lover of women, fine wine, and travel. I can often be spotted aboard a skiff in Santorini, catching rays and artfully plucking at my lute.