There are as many fetishes and kinks as there are people in this wide and wondrous world of ours, which is why it shouldn’t surprise you that there are guys and girls with a sexual fixation for jolly old Santa Claus.
Santaphiles, as they’re called, are the men and women with a less-than-innocent interest in the man in red.
You’d think they’d desire some idealized version of the great gift giver—you know, a buff, strapping St. Nick with a salt and pepper beard, striking blue eyes and a bulge to boot, but no. They want St. Nick – red velvet, ruddy cheeks, paunch, and all. To spread some holiday cheer, I’ve collected some heady anecdotes from some actual santaphiles and Santa role-playing amateurs.
I love Christmas! Gifts, wassailing, holiday cheer and, well—Santa Claus. To me Santa’s always been a big burly bear, a kind of paternal figure with his glowing cheeks and long white beard. This is a turn on for me. My partner and I love role-playing. Initially I got him into it—we call it our Reindeer Games. He’s got this authentic fur-lined, red suit, a big bag he lugs around and these little glasses he squints through. We like to pretend that he’s just come in through the chimney (hehe). I’m always a naughty boy and he knows just how to punish me. Let’s just say, without being too descriptive, that there’s lots of lap-sitting. My St. Nick might be jolly, but he doesn’t like to be treated with cookies and milk, that’s for sure.
Nobody knows about my Santa fetish… and I intend on keeping it that way. One time I was eating with some friends at a steakhouse in the mall. We got a bit tipsy and decided, just as a joke, to go sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what we wanted for Christmas. It was such a thrill. I honestly wasn’t prepared for it. I remember tugging his beard a bit, realizing with awe that it was real. He was flustered because I think he could tell I was too into it. He asked me, all innocently: so what does the young lady want for Christmas? It was terrible, I gave him this hot whisper, straight into his ear. I told him: “you, Mr. Claus. I want you.” My girlfriends thought it was hilarious. When I got home, guess what I made my husband do?
Why wouldn’t people want to f*ck Santa? The dude makes it his job to give people gifts… GIFTS! In my mind, the best gift of all is an eyes-roll-in-the-back-of-your-head orgasm from St. Nick and his big old d*ck. The fetish is a particular one, which is why I sometimes find myself scanning craigslist for Santas looking to screw – and I’m not interested in the young stud types, either. I want a chubby old white dude with flushed cheeks, a hairy chest, a serious woodsman’s beard, and one of those hats with a pom-pom on the end. I love taking off his jacket so he’s got his white undershirt on, a bit of gut bulging out between his suspenders—preferably Christmas themed—and just feel him while he moans: “ho, ho, ho” all jovially. There’s something comforting about it. ‘Tis the season, right?
Hey, if Santa’s not your thing, grab someone you care about and give them a nice wet smooch under the mistletoe or watch some porn together. I’m sure the Claus won’t mind.