How To Make A (Sort Of Decent) Homemade Porno

As illustrated by pics of 'Zack and Miri Make A Porno' because you know, that's how you should really make a DIY flick.
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Gif – Giphy

Many of us have probably already made and starred in our own homemade porno videos – if not in real life, in our fantasies at least. The bulk of them, mine included, are merely haphazard attempts, shaky and grainy, the audio barely discernible. Whether you’ve shot yours on a smartphone or using more sophisticated equipment—say a camcorder with lights and a mic—we’re here to help you make an amateur skin flick that’s sure to be a mainstay in your spankbank, so listen up.

Communication is key

When it comes to shooting a porno, first make sure your lover’s totally on board. Seriously. After all, the hottest clips are the ones in which the participants are both into it, and you’d be surprised how turned on some people get when you put them in front of a camera. Talk to your partner, and be clear about the things you’re both willing to do on cam. Remember: always be respectful! Beyond that, have fun. There’s few greater turn-ons than watching yourself and someone else screw like seasoned porn stars.

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Photo – Zimbio

Plan

Don’t spontaneously shoot your porno. It’ll suck. Spend time plotting it out the way the pros do. Does it have a story? What positions will be included? How do you want it to end? The plan doesn’t have to be set in stone, but it’ll help you guide the process and contribute to a better finished product.

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Photo – Amazon

It’s all about your equipment, duh.

Smart phones aren’t a smart choice for a good piece of erotica. Look, I’ve made dozens of videos using this method, so I’d know. Like a young Scorsese, perhaps even a meticulous Kubrick, I’ve always been mindful of the lighting, the angles (remember, some angles will make it look like you’re packing, like John Holmes packing), and my proximity to the phone’s mic. No matter how good of an auteur I am, these flicks always turn out grainy or dark. As for the sound? Forget about it.

There’s a veritable cornucopia of affordable filming equipment out there that’ll go a long way to improving your homemade smut. My own advice? Look into a camcorder, the Canon VIXIA HF R600 is good, and cheap, too. DSLRs will work as well, if you’d prefer. Getting a tripod is also a great idea, if you’re not doing POV scenes (hint: for a money shot scene, set your cam on the tripod and make sure it’s focused on your lover’s face).

Once you’ve got the cam down, start looking for booms or mics—anything to get that sound crisp and clean. This might come as a big surprise, but lighting is possibly one of the most essential things when it comes to making your film look good. For this, use the three-point lighting system. Honestly, if you think you have enough lighting, multiply that by ten.

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The shoot…

So, you’ve got the shot list, the performers, and your equipment. Now comes the fun part. If you were planning on shooting a scene from start to finish, think again. Pornos are shot out of sequence, and they often require multiple takes before the shot’s just right. While this might be a bit extreme for a homemade film, just remember that plenty of work goes into making good porn, so you might as well give it your all. Experiment with angles and different positions. Who knows, you might find yourself doing a position you never do just because it looks better on camera. At the end of the day, this should make your sex more exciting—so enjoy it.

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The final pieces

Now you’ve got plenty of footage and it’s all been uploaded onto your computer. Possibly, you’ve already admired your handiwork. Possibly, you’ve admired it a little too much, which is a good thing. Last thing you need to do is edit all of your footage together so that it resembles, even approximately, your original plan. For this you’ll need movie-editing software, something like Movie Maker or iMovie – and for those who are more ‘video editing adept’, grab a copy of Final Cut Pro or Adobe Premiere.

There’s even a DIY porno school! You can get a certificate from Erotic Film School program. Who’d have thunk it. Either way, happy shooting.