The Long, Hard, History Of The Blowjob

Take a load off and listen up.

Let’s get right to the bottom of it—the history of the blowjob, I mean. Most of what we know is wrong. For example, the racy seventies porno Deep Throat did not, in fact, invent or popularize the deep throat blowjob. This should come as no surprise to anyone; we’ve been licking at each other’s crotches since we first stood upright. My sense is that we were probably doing it long before that too. In any case, here’s the long, hard, unexpurgated history of the blowjob.

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Photo – Osiris blown back to life by Isis with Anubis, the God of Mummification behind him | Imgur

As it turns out, the Egyptians give us some of the earliest insights into “gettin’ top”. Osiris, their god of rebirth was absolutely obliterated by his brother Set and had to be rebuilt by his wife, Isis. After rebuilding her lover, Isis found that one essential piece was missing… yeah, his ‘Johnson’. Being the industrious goddess that she was, she constructed one out of clay for him. To revive Osiris, she had to blow life back into him. She did this by blowing his penis. Images of this myth are readily available in the archaeological record. Given that their gods were doing it, it’s safe to say the Egyptians were, too.

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Photo – Sexual congress inspired by the KamasutraITimes

Ancient China and India were also prolific practitioners of oral sex. Actually, you’ve probably heard of a little tome called the Kamasutra; you know, the book with all those complex, complicated sexual positions? Well in it, there’s a whole chapter devoted to “auparishtaka,” otherwise known as “mouth/oral congress”. In that chapter, there are eight very detailed techniques to help get your partner off.

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Photo – Vase 490-480 BC at the Florence National Archaeological Museum | Pinterest

The Greeks and Romans also appreciated the occasional ‘gummer’ when it could be had. Interestingly, though perhaps unsurprisingly, for the Romans oral sex was all about power. The man receiving oral sex was the active one, though he was the recipient of sexual favors. In other words, the giver was the passive and submissive one, oftentimes a slave or a woman, sometimes a man atoning for some injustice. Nowadays, this dynamic has mostly been reversed.

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Photo – flowchart breaking down the regulations around sexual intercourse for Medieval Christians | The History Blog

With the rise in popularity of Christianity, any wasteful spilling of seed was seen as sinful – along with a slew of other ‘regulations’ around sexual congress. So the blowjob went into hiding, so to speak. That said, fellatio still happened. It was, as I’m sure you can imagine, a pretty effective form of birth control, which meant no little unwanted ones later on if you happened to be visiting a ‘lady of the night’. In eighteenth century France, blowjobs were going on all the time. Religion’s grasp on sexuality held well into the twentieth century – even to this day, some might argue.

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Photo – Brazzers (Slippery When Wet)

Thankfully, we live in a real blowjob renaissance. Now, it’s seemingly a standard part of foreplay, not some rare sexual curiosity to be given secretly for fear of prosecution or moral debauchery. People are giving them and getting them and watching them being given with such regularity that it’s tough to imagine good ole hummers fading into obscurity once more.

Written by Hugh Jasse

An eloquent soul, a lover of women, fine wine, and travel. I can often be spotted aboard a skiff in Santorini, catching rays and artfully plucking at my lute.