Why Hipsters Are Better in Bed

There's an upside to all that yoga and organic food.
Gif – Imgur

When it comes to bedmates who know how to bang, you could do a lot worse than a hipster. They’re straight up freaks, believe me. Just as long as you can get over screwing to Neutral Milk Hotel’s complete oeuvre of music (and the sound of a wailing Jeff Mangum), you’re in for a pleasant surprise, and here’s why. Warning, satirical over-generalizations follow. If you’re too sensitive, you may want to stop reading now.

Photo – Pinterest

All that Yoga…

We ‘mainstreamers’ have only the vaguest notion of what yoga can do to the human body. Hipsters, on the other hand, with their multiple Ashtanga yoga classes each week, are more flexible than the entire Russian national gymnastics team put together. Oh yes, they are lithe, little creatures and they know just how to put their litheness to good use. Imagine this: a hipster chick with her legs bent all the way behind her head—a bundle of joy! Seriously though, flexibility and better body awareness leads to more satisfying sex. Remember that.

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Open-minded

Hipsters pride themselves on being open minded, which means—lucky for you—they’re apt to try anything in the boudoir. Having little to no hang-ups is a prerequisite to raunchy sex and hipsters are probably going to be more open to experimentation than, say, your run-of-the-mill mainstreamer. Want to try an FFM threesome? No problem, she might have always wanted to have sex with a girl! Looking to get your salad tossed? Look no further, she’s totally into guy’s bums. Hipsters are alt as hell, so the weirder and kinkier your proposition, the likelier it’ll get accepted and you can rest assured that it’ll be performed with moxie and aplomb we’ve come to expect from hipsters.

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More in touch with their feelings

Gender norms, generally speaking, don’t apply to hipsters. In fact, they openly flout gender expectations in order to express their individuality. This is why they’re likelier to be open about how they feel, which means better communication, not just in general, but in the bedroom, too. They might be more open about their kinks and what gets them off which is doubtlessly good for you, but they also tend to be unafraid to show off their vulnerability, which itself can be kind of attractive. No macho bullshit or gaming here, and that’s a good thing.

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Bush

Bush is hot and it’s so 2017, so get with the times. Hipster women have varied grooming habits, but generally, they’re likelier to have a whole lot of shrubbery down below. Some even leave their armpits au natural (legs, too!). If you’re into hairier hotties, then look no further. Women who have the confidence to emancipate themselves from the tyranny of razors and outré grooming rituals are also the type to take control when you’ve gotten down to shagging. If you’re anything like me, I’m glad to let her grab the reins, as it were.

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Piercings/Tattoos

Most piercings, beyond serving a cosmetic function, do nothing. Sure, some chicks look totally hot with a lip or nose ring. It further pushes them toward the alt side of the spectrum. Ink is the same way. It’s not going to make the sex any better, but if you’re into it, it’ll definitely turn you on. A secret tramp stamp is like a prize you’ve won after unwrapping a sexy gift. One piercing that does make sex better, and that you might find a hipster chick is a tongue piercing. Oral sex will not be the same for you after this, and if a hipster chick is sporting one (and you guys are hooking up), she’d probably be thrilled to show you how it works.

Not all hipsters are the same, which is why you should always conduct field research of your own. If you’re out and you spot a hipster, say hey. Get to know them. Who knows what might happen later.


Note that the views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the opinions of Trendzz or its affiliates.

Written by Tom Wake

Medium build, long blonde hair, Hazel eyes, looking for a good time - call me. I know this isn't a personal ad, but when you get the chance, go for it.