In a recent article, our friends at AskMen examined a trove of Google data to reveal each state’s most frequently searched sex position.
While the study produced some truly odd findings, perhaps the bigger story here is that Americans use Google to search for sex positions at all. Are we looking for instructions? Pictures? In-depth histories? There’s simply no way of knowing.
Whatever our reasons, the results are fascinating.
Per capita, the region that produced the most sex position searches by a significant margin was the District of Columbia. That’s right, the seat of our nation’s power leads the country in Google searches of sex acts. One can imagine the late nights spent by our congressmen in the glow of their screens, tapping out searches for “dirty sanchez” “rusty trombone” and “where is the clitoris?” It makes you wonder how many of our country’s problems would be solved tomorrow if we simply gifted all of our representatives a free Brazzers membership.
(Pictured: A small introduction to the G-Funk era)
Nationwide, the most commonly searched sex position was doggy style. For the uninitiated, that’s humans having sex in the style of dogs. This hardly qualifies as a surprise, as doggy style also happens to be the preferred sex position of almost every animal on earth, not to mention one of the greatest party records of all time.
Luckily, the state by state results proved slightly more idiosyncratic.
Given that Hillary Clinton only won 21 states in last year’s presidential election, we were surprised to learn that “Woman-on-top” was the most searched position of a whopping 29 states. We can only surmise that our searchers did not like what they found.
(Pictured: Criss cross – “it’s wiggity wiggity wiggity whack“)
Also of note: Missouri seems to have a preoccupation with the “criss cross” position, indicating that during coitus, inhabitants of the “Show Me State” don’t like to be shown anything at all.
Unlike the closed leg loving residents of Missouri, Wyomingites (we looked it up) have an affinity towards Spread Eagle bondage. Kinky. As for the “magic bullet,” “fire hydrant,” and “overpass,” frankly, these all sound made up. But then again if we say they’re real, then by God they’re real. That my friends, is the American Way.
The final lesson: Americans sexual preferences are as varied and diverse as our great nation. Also, Google is watching you.