This Study Says That Gold Diggers Have Bigger Orgasms

I might change my profession...
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Photo – the1stclasslifestyle.com

Apparently your pocket bulge is a better determinant of female sexual pleasure than the size of your schlong, according to a survey conducted by researchers at the University of Albany. That’s right, if some of you were doing some groin gazing hoping to see future toe-curling orgasms, look no further than the thick wad of cash in someone’s wallet. The study, “Do orgasms give women feedback about mate choice?”, looks at orgasm feedback in relationships between heterosexual couples, and its findings are quite shocking, to say the least.

This is all to say that a devoted bunch of researchers found the perfect combination of qualities and characteristics that make up the man who is most likely to yield numberless top-caliber orgasms in women of all shapes and sizes. So ladies, if a fulfilling sex life rates highly on your list of must-haves (and it really should), listen up – because apparently gold diggers have bigger orgasms.

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Photo – Business Insider

The study concluded that:

“Based on a survey of heterosexual female college students in committed relationships, how often women experienced orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse was related to their partner’s family income”

Women who experience more frequent and more intense orgasms and who initiate sex with their partners more often, are likelier to be with men who are attractive, confident, and—yes, rich (looks like Kanye might have been on to something…). The study went on to further elaborate on the specific qualities that better predict sexual fulfillment in the fairer sex, and they’re not what you’d expect.

The respondents in the study were asked to evaluate their partner’s looks, on top of his physical… dimensions. Big surprise: one physical attribute that factored highly in terms of sexual gratification were broad shoulders. Yes, you read correctly, broad shoulders. So apparently dudes with BBCs (Big Bags of Cash) and a nice set of shoulders are just the ones you want for the Big O.

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Gif – Giphy

If you happen to possess neither the shoulders of an NFL linebacker, nor said linebacker’s well-endowed bank account, fret not. Humor was also a quality that ranked high. In fact, guys with a better sense of humor, tended to make their partners orgasm more often. If you are sorely lacking in the laughter department, my sincerest apologies.

“Their partner’s sense of humor not only predicted his self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex, and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners.”

Another fascinating tidbit, albeit not necessarily all that surprising: women who started having sex at earlier ages, “experienced more orgasms, and were more sexually satisfied with their partners.” So ladies, while it definitely helps having a guy with cash flow, Louis C. K’s trademark self-deprecating sense of humor and the facial features of Ryan Gosling, experience goes a long way, too. Women who’ve had more sex have a better idea of what gets them off, ergo multiple, intense orgasms. That’s why I’ve always been a proponent of sex, and lots of it.

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Gif – Giphy

It’s easy to knock gold diggers for being superficial, even vacuous, but maybe these women are onto something. Maybe they’ve long known something we’re just only starting to understand. And if you’re not sure whether you’re dating a gold digger or not, we looked into that too.

Written by Tom Wake

Medium build, long blonde hair, Hazel eyes, looking for a good time - call me. I know this isn't a personal ad, but when you get the chance, go for it.