Sexting is, without a doubt, a literary art form. Untrained novices dabble in it far too frequently, lowering the discipline to something crass with their lewd, unwanted expressions of want and vile dick pics (which get horrifically ridiculed and used), usually of the overhead variety, razor-burned pubis and all. Do not, from ignorance or poor training, become one of these unfortunate souls… because you ruin it for yourself and the rest of us. Sexts can have artifice; they can be seductive, alluring, arousing; hell, they can turn a dead-end Tinder chat into a night of passionate lovemaking.
So how does one become a sexting literati, then?
Writing Dirty Letters: the first ‘sexts’
Let’s briefly examine a phenomenon that existed in our grandparents’ time. Dirty letter writing. The men (and women) of Dirty Letters were a distinguished bunch. James Joyce, a giant of the modern literary movement, can be numbered among them, with letters that were positively raunchy—even by today’s standards. The point I’m trying to make here is that the drive behind sexting isn’t new. Humans have been doing it since the beginning, and the ones that were good at it were getting laid all the time.
Getting Into The Mood
First thing you have to understand is that sexting is all about a prospective lover’s mind. It really is an intellectual pursuit, better left to an adept individual with delicate sensibilities than a ham-fisted moron. The goal shouldn’t be about getting a lovely woman to simply have sex with you through the penning of pithy statements. It should be about eliciting arousal. The better you get at inspiring desire and yearning, the quicker you’ll be having sex later on, so think about inspiring sopping wet panties or granite-hard boners and make it happen.
Sexting should be thought of as an erotic garnish, like a fine dusting of cinnamon upon a decadent hot chocolate. A common misconception among the uninformed sexter is word usage. The more complex and scientific the word, the more boring the sext.
Words like “engorged”, “throbbing”, “pulsating”, or “gaping” are decidedly not hot. In fact, they achieve the opposite of what you should be intending. Stick to simple, commonly-used words, words you’d use in a conversation, for example (hard, being a totally acceptable alternative to the above mentioned). The point is: be natural in your sexts, and don’t try too hard.
Create A Narrative
Personally, I’ve found that building fantasy narratives for a lover works effectively. For example: tell her you were thinking about her while masturbating or create some vivid scenario in which you fantasized about her (remember, of course, that it should be something that would turn her on, too). This creates a precedent, builds context, so that the next time you find yourself with her (or him, as the case might be), she’ll be thinking about that sext.
It’s Worth Investing Time Into
Sexts accomplish a lot of what foreplay does: they build desire and communicate want, even when you’re not around. The more you invest in sexting, and the better you get at doing it, the more intense your lovemaking will be. While being confident, using normal language, and communicating with your audience in mind will do a lot to improve your sexting abilities, it’s always good to not take things too seriously. A sense of humor is attractive, and it always helps to diffuse awkward situations. Who knows, there might be a burgeoning James Joyce somewhere inside you (well, maybe not a Joyce—those dirty letters are perhaps a stretch too dirty by today’s standards).