Porn Parodies To Bring You The Jollies This Holiday

Ho-Ho-Hoooo my goodness.

With Christmas fast approaching, it’s time to prime yourself for the season of giving (and receiving), with a naughty list of my personal favorite XXXMas-themed porn parodies. All of these are must-haves in every collection (trust me, I’ve—ahem—perused them all…), and they’re certain to give you glad tidings during these chilly winter months. Without further ado, here they are in no particular order:

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Photo – Brazzers (How The Grinch F*cked Xmas)
  1. How the Grinch Fucked Xmas! – This Seussian-inspired 2008 Brazzers Network video-on-demand vignette is sure to get even the biggest scrooge excited for Christmas. Keiran Lee, the male lead, plays the titular Grinch, and he hates Christmas so much that he assaults Santa Claus and one of his little helpers. Thankfully, Carmella Bing and Shyla Stylez, his female costars and the sexy residents of Hoville, take it upon themselves to spread some seasonal cheer (and their voluptuous booties). This scene features lesbian love, oral, old-fashioned sex, anal, and a glorious, glorious facial for both red velvet-decked starlets.

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    Photo – Reality Kings (All I Want For XXXMas)
  2. All I Want for XXXMasThis 2014 webscene by Reality Kings is a seasonal tradition for me, a mainstay like egg nog, caroling, and unwrapping the much sought after gift on Christmas morning. The premise: Vanessa Veracruz gives her lover, Abigail Mac, a delicious little gift for Christmas—Jenna Sativa. As hot as it is watching two beautiful women going at it, adding a third to the mix makes it almost intolerable. This threesome kisses, gropes, performs oral, tosses salad and proves, once again, just how rewarding the act of gift giving can be.

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    Photo – Digital Playground (Dirty Santa)
  3. Dirty SantaThankfully, Digital Playground’s Dirty Santa is nothing like the Billy Bob Thornton film of the same name. A three-hour miniseries of seven distinct episodes, all of which are essential viewing, this movie makes for a great addition to every man’s spank bank. Watch captivating performances from the inimitable Phoenix Marie, Sara Luvv, Nina Elle, Isabella de Santos, Lola Foxx, and Mia Malkova in a collection that evokes Christmastime while also functioning as a seriously compelling adult flick with topnotch production values. While I’ve enjoyed this series many times, I have to admit that I’m partial to “Candy Cane Lane.” Not only does Mia Malkova look absolutely stunning in nylons with a garter belt, but she performs a sensual blowjob worthy of repeat viewings.

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    Photo – Brazzers (Nightmare Before XXX-Mas)
  4. A Big Tit Christmas, Vol. 3 – A Brazzers DVD compilation, there is no better way to catch some ho, ho, hos than in this nearly four-hour-long compilation that I affectionately refer to as “Titty City”. My personal favorites in this veritable tome of titillation are: “The Nightmare Before XXXmas”, “Merry ChristmAss to All”, and “Stuff My Stocking”; that being said, all six scenes are certain to provide you with endless… entertainment, promising a little bit of something for everyone. Plus, you can’t beat scenes with Jessica Jaymes and Kortney Kane on top of their game and in a festive spirit. If this third volume does the trick, also be sure to check out one and two.
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Photo – Brazzers (How The Grinch F*cked Xmas)

Sometimes it can be difficult getting some action with family and friends kicking around during the holidays. If you’re ever in need of some quiet, seasonal fun, these movies are certain to help you get off discreetly around friends and family.

Written by Hugh Jasse

An eloquent soul, a lover of women, fine wine, and travel. I can often be spotted aboard a skiff in Santorini, catching rays and artfully plucking at my lute.