Panda Porn Exists, And It’s Helping Save Pandas From Extinction

Next time someone asks you what good porn does, tell them porn saved the pandas.
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Photo – SBS

Panda bears are cute, cuddly, clumsy and, next to human beings, they’re the only other organism on this planet known to get off to a good, raunchy skin—or, dare I say it: fur—flick.

Unlike us, pandas are less than enthused about matters of sex. They’d much rather spend their days munching on stalks of bamboo, languishing in the shade and sleeping than doing the dirty deed. Besides being in possession of one of the lowest libidos in the animal kingdom, they’ve been cursed with a biology that doesn’t lend itself to lovemaking.

For one, female pandas are only fertile for about three days during the spring, giving their disinterested male counterparts an extremely small window of time to get the deed done. If that wasn’t bad enough, male pandas don’t exactly have the right equipment to get the job done. Tragically, the cumbersome lugs have disproportionately small penises to match their stifled sex drives.

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Photo – Unsplash

Beyond all this, pandas are extremely reclusive.

They’d prefer spending time alone than cavorting with their cohorts, which is why, both in captivity and in the wild, it’s difficult to entice them to mate. They’re shy, and when it comes to choosing a bear that’s compatible, they’re extremely picky. Add to that the fact that captivity all but eliminates what little libido they already have, and it’s no wonder that the species’ global population is so low. It’s a miracle they’ve been able to survive so long when it seems like the odds have been stacked against them.

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Photo – internetsafety101

To keep the love alive and ensure the continued survival of an entire species, the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding as well as zoos worldwide have been using panda porn to spice things up.

Surprisingly, it’s been working. It seems our favorite fuzzy friends have as much a voyeuristic streak as we do. While the porn does elicit arousal in male and female pandas (especially the grunting and bleating sounds in the audio), it serves an even more important function to bears who’ve only ever known a life of captivity and might never have seen what panda bear sex looks like: it teaches them. In many ways, for sexually mature pandas, panda porn is like the proverbial birds and bees talk your parents gave you when you were young.

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Photo – Trendzz | Freepik

With an estimated 1,894 pandas left in the wild and in captivity, and given the unique problems these lovable animals face, it’s important that we continue with our conservation efforts, no matter how strange they might be.

Since so much of the panda’s natural habitat has been depleted, there’s been an effort to focus on captive breeding with the goal of eventually releasing them back into the wild. While zoos have tried using panda-specialized Viagra to excite male pandas, exercise regimens that promote sexual activity, giving them privacy during estrus, panda porn has proven itself a viable solution to the panda mating crisis.

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Photo – Pandawhale

Next time someone asks you what good porn does, tell them porn saved the pandas. For your enjoyment, we threw in a photo of the Canadian Prime Minister holding two baby pandas.

Written by Hugh Jasse

An eloquent soul, a lover of women, fine wine, and travel. I can often be spotted aboard a skiff in Santorini, catching rays and artfully plucking at my lute.