Fifty Shades Darker Is Coming, So We Had To Make A BDSM Beginner Guide

Just so y'all don't go around hurting yourselves - or your partner(s).

Guys, you’d be remiss to ignore the profound effect that Christian Grey has on chicks. I mean, take the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie, notorious for having made one lucky woman in England erotically soil herself. It’s no secret, the Grey movies and books get panties sopping wet. So what’s Christian Grey’s secret, then? Confidence, dapper dressing, and BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Dominance, Submission and Masochism), of course. That’s why we’re going to help you get fifty shades darker with a quick tutorial on BDSM. If all goes well, the ladies should be lining up for you in no time.

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Photo – Hans Van Der Kamp/Buzzfeed

Start with a Blindfold, not a Cat O’Nine

Ignore the impulse to construct your very own 50 Shades’ “Red Room of Pain” right off the bat and start off small. Think: handcuffs, blindfolds, a feather grazing her tender parts, hot wax dripped on her skin, some light spanking – that kind of thing. Bondage play is an excellent point of entry into BDSM because it’s relatively safe, and it gives you a chance to play with power dynamics and get comfortable in whichever role you’d like to play, whether that’s as a dominant or a submissive.

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Photo – Lelo.com

Are you a Dominant or a Submissive?

The more experience you have playing your chosen role, the better you’ll be at playing it. Subs want to be controlled, to be utterly dominated, and they derive comfort and a feeling of safety from that so if you decide you enjoy being dominant, you have to be comfortable with the idea of exerting your will over someone else within an established set of parameters and you have to perform it compellingly. At the same time, you have to be sensitive to your partner and recognize when something isn’t working.

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Photo – Lelo.com

Safety First

If bondage play progresses and you’re looking to intensify things, it’s important to discuss safe words and limits with your partner. This is a precautionary measure that happens before you do anything and it protects both participants, guaranteeing that play is always pleasurable. More than that, it’s also a chance to talk about boundaries and get even closer to your partner, which makes for better sex.

At this point, you should have a sense of the role you’re playing, whether that’s as the dominator/submitter, sadist/masochist, master/slave. It’s important to remember that both parties have equal amounts of power. The sub might be dominated, but it’s ultimately the sub who determines the limits of what will be happening.

There’s plenty to explore in the world of BDSM, and the more imaginative you are, the better. If you’re looking for ideas, chances are you have a local BDSM community filled with open, honest people, who’d be happy to talk more about the art of Domination and Submission.

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Photo – YouOnlyWetter

Confidence Is Nearly Everything

Your first BDSM outings will likely be awkward (trust me), but the more time you spend at it, the more natural it feels, adding a great range of depth and fulfillment to your sexual relationships. In humans there’s a real, deep psychological need that’s filled in being submissive or dominant, but only in circumstances where there’s trust and communication. With these points in mind, you’ll be shades darker and your lovers’ panties will be shades wetter.

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Written by Hugh Jasse

An eloquent soul, a lover of women, fine wine, and travel. I can often be spotted aboard a skiff in Santorini, catching rays and artfully plucking at my lute.