If you thought pickup artistry was the exclusive domain of men, well, you were wrong. In our society, the so-called “Game” is meant to be the provenance of dudes—dudes in flamboyant hats and leather vests, soaking with eau de toilette, newly fit, and desperate for sex. Why? Because we’re all operating under this terrible delusion that women aren’t meant to be the ones doing the pursuing. They’re meant to be pursued. They’re meant to be objects of male desire and fascination, fixtures for the penetrating male gaze, to be plucked at whim by the adept, whether you’re a natural or a student of the game.
Well, no more, I say. No. More.
The field has opened, and now the war of the sexes, hardly-fought on the troubled, uncertain terrain of the dating landscape, takes on a new form. We can count droves of seasoned man-eaters among their male counterparts, using techniques derived from the seduction scene for their own benefit—like the Alexander technique, peacocking, negging and yes, neuro-linguistic programming. Fun!
The seduction community doesn’t exactly have a squeaky clean reputation when it comes to how it treats women, much thanks owed here to catcalls, so why would they use some of the techniques that have for so long been used against them?
According to Arden Leigh, veteran PUA, author of “The New Rules of Attraction: How To Get Him, Keep Him, and Make Him Beg For More”, and student of Neill Strauss, author of “The Game”, it’s all about developing favorable relationships and broadening your social circle—not exclusively getting laid (though she’s not against a girl hooking up).
By re-appropriating some of the techniques developed in the seduction community, some women PUAs are able to build their confidence and develop stronger social skills, which ultimately allows them to approach new and interesting people. In a society that likes to categorize men as pursuers and women as pursued, it sounds like the game might have an unintended, but nonetheless welcome consequence: teaching some women how to take an active role in the courtship process.
Just like me, you might be asking yourself: why would a woman ever need help seducing a man? After all, most of the sad sacks I know would quite literally squeal with glee if a stranger of fairer sex were to approach them. The reason, it seems, is for chicks to actively get to choose their mates, something that doesn’t necessarily come naturally when our society dictates that girls wait around to be approached by someone.
Ultimately, women are using the game and techniques from the seduction community to empower themselves. Ironic, when you consider that the community has often been criticized for being misogynist. This democratization of pickup artistry, if you will, might lead to more transparent exchanges between the sexes. It might also transform the seduction community into something a bit more diverse and inclusive. One can only hope.
Ladies, if you’re looking for a couple easy tips to help you take a more active part in your dating life, here’s advice from Arden Leigh, Kezia Noble and Amy Van Doran, three notable female PUAs. Happy hunting!