‘Social Media Couples’ are arguably the worst thing to happen to social media since Myspace made it okay for us to whine about our lives publicly and post selfies to prove it. Seriously, social media couples, if you’re reading this, get your act together. “The couple that Tweets together stays together”…said no one ever. So, listen up if you want to avoid annoying the crap out of everyone.
First of All, You’re Not Fooling Us
Here’s some sobering news; all of you “happy” couples posting from sun up, to sun down about how wonderful your relationship is, aren’t actually happy, say researchers. Multiple institutions lead by Northwestern University conducted a study to evaluate whether couples accurately depict their relationships on Facebook. To do this, they monitored the daily social media activity of 108 couples. What they found shouldn’t surprise those of us who were blessed with common sense. The study’s authors report that couples who were most happy and secure, rarely posted about their relationship on social media. Nope. It was the couples who felt most insecure, anxious and discontent who were polluting everyone’s news feed with images and messages about how “happy” they were.
Posting Excessive Declarations of Love
How many times have you opened your social media feed, and groaned as you had to suffer through reading about how your friend has “found the love” of her life? How she is suddenly so happy and in love with someone she just started talking to. Not only does she post this bright and early in the morning, but she reinforces this again and again throughout the day, and does this on a daily basis. *Major eye roll*.
Praising Every Little Thing He / She Does
What about those couples who praise the ground their partner walks on? They litter everyone’s news feed with posts of praise for their man or woman. They act as if everything their partner does deserves the spotlight. Hey, it’s okay to publicly praise your partner once in a while for a significant accomplishment. We won’t hold it against you if your man makes the NBA Draft, and you’re so excited that you can’t help posting about it. But, just because your man took the garbage out today doesn’t mean he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize, so keep that shizz to yourself.
Oversharing Every Minor Detail
Then there are those couples who share every minor detail of their relationship. They post about waking up together and waste no time sharing images of themselves wearing matching his and hers boxer shorts. They chronicle everything they’re doing together throughout the day. You know, riding in the car, taking their dog to the pet store, garbage like that. We get it, you found someone who can stand to be around you for more than five minutes. We don’t need a play-by-play of all the mundane things you two are doing.
Tracking Frivolous Milestones
I once saw a couple announce their one week anniversary on Facebook. Yes, you read that correctly – one week. What’s more, this couple was apparently sober when they posted it. To top it off, the couple actually celebrated the occasion by going out to a “romantic” dinner and taking pictures, as if one week is some sort of milestone? If you’re a couple doing this, please stop embarrassing yourself. No self-respecting couple is posting a “one week” anniversary on Facebook. Don’t do that. Don’t do any of these things. Don’t be that couple!